Given that this marks the start of a new year, it occurs to me that it’s also a good day to take stock. It’s a good day to look back at where you were at this point last year, and how much you’ve grown, healed, or simply improved yourself since then.I’m betting that many of you, who may be struggling with your own journey toward healing, can still manage to look back and see improvement. That should encourage you to continue, and next year when you again look back on where you started the year, you will see more improvement and personal growth.

For myself, 2008 wasn’t exactly the year I expected. We were presented with some opportunities we hadn’t seen coming, that changed some of our plans, but the overall personal improvement goals, I think, have seen some definite imrpovement. As always, I wanted to do some more networking, develop some new friendships, give more of my time toward meeting and connecting with new people and generally learn to be more social. Compared to Jan 1 of 2008, I’ve had the opportunity to speak at an Ignite event, meet a large number of new folks online through Twitter and other tools, and can point to at least 2 new friendships that have developed in the last year and already mean a lot to me. I’ve leveraged Facebook to reconnect with friends from elementary school and some of my own somewhat distant relatives whom I hadn’t seen in years. I started an online network for survivors of child abuse and their significant others just a few weeks ago and have already seen so much of the vision I had for that start to take hold.

My professional life and home life have continued to be important parts of my life, and even though I’ve managed to put more efforts into other areas, I’ve not taken either for granted during this time, They are the core of everything. I’m not nearly as succesful without the support of my wife, and of course, we all need to work and support ourselves financially. In this economy, that means working hard and improving your skills at all times, in order to prove your worth to your employers!

Overall, I can say it’s been a pretty good year! I see the affects of my efforts, and I’ve enjoyed the opportunities that have been presented to me. I wonder what sorts of opportunities await, and what sort of things I’ll be able to point to as highlights of 2009? I hope you have many of your own!

Technorati Tags: Holidays

On the other hand, each holiday season is another opportunity to start, or continue, or own traditions. They don’t have to be Norman Rockwell type traditions, nor do they need to be anything big. It can be as simple as spending the day doing good things for yourself, or spending a quiet day with someone who is helping support you, or someone you love. Whatever it is, make this holiday season about doing something for you, not about regretting the things you don’t have.

You’ve lost enough holiday “joy” to the abuse, let this year be the year you start to find your own, small, joys.

Update, of course, right on cue, Pysch Central’s 9 Tips for Busting Holiday Depression also includes a tipe about making your own traditions, taking control over how you celebrate the holidays…

Technorati Tags: Holidays

Technorati Tags: SocialNetwork, Twitter

I can’t say I had given this much thought before tonight, but it certainly is something that more attention should be paid to. Children may be tryng to tell you what’s happening to them, but only know the words the person victimizing them has taught them. If you know of cases of this happening, go over and leave a comment on the post or join the conversation on the social network. Add to the conversation.

Technorati Tags: language

So, if you’re curious about what’s there and want to see if it’s relevant to you, go ahead and sign up. If there are no conversations going on currently that you feel strongly about, or groups that fit your specific interest, start your own! It’s your network!

Secondly, since it is private, it’s going to be pretty difficult for people to search Google or other tools and stumble on to it. Everyone who finds this is going to find it as a result of reading about it on a blog, or because someone told them about it. Please, spread the word! The more the merrier.

Technorati Tags: SocialNetwork

You may be asking yourself why create another social networking site? I wonder about that myself.

The path to creating this started with a desire to find a way for spouses, significant others, friends and family of survivors to talk to each other, and find support for what they are going through as they try to support a survivor. Originally, I had planned to start an email list, but that just seemed so 1998. I felt like I wanted to do something more, something that would encourage interaction on a higher level. That’s when I remembered Ning, and came up with the idea of creating a full social network for those folks.

Of course, once I came to that realization, it was a short trip to wanting to create a network specifically for survivors as well. Why a new site as opposed to a Facebook group? A couple of reasons, one is safety. Nothing that is posted on this network will be viewable to anyone who is not registered with the site, and I have the ability to ban any user who does not treat others with respect at all times. Secondly, by having a separate network, users can create an anonymous profile that is not “tied” to a real profile, ala Facebook. So if you don’t want to be identified as an abuse survivor in places where you may have coworkers or family following you, this is a place for you to do that. The only piece of information you have to share is an email address, as part of the registration, but I’m the only one who sees that, aside from the folks who run the whole Ning network, and store the user information.

What do I have planned? Well, that’s a tough one. Any social network is only as good as it’s members, so where it goes is pretty much up to you. Some of what I’ve considered when putting together the features were having the ability to form groups of special-interests, like the Supporters group that I created, to meet the original goal of finding that place for the people trying to support survivors to talk to each other. Certainly, I can think of other possible groups, but I’ll leave it up to the community as it grows, to determine what groups they need. Surely, you can create geographically based groups, a group just for male survivors, or any other interest you might have.

Another thought I have is finding a way for all those survivors who are blogging, and I can’t possibly keep track of all the folks who are doing that now, to work together. Want help with design, blog ideas, or just want to collaborate with other bloggers? This can be a place to do that. I’ve already reached out to Marj to consider using the site as a way for folks to work together and organize the blog carnival, and maybe take some of the organizational tasks off her plate. I think that’s possible, as are any other ideas you guys come up with for the blog community.

Of course, ultimately, the site is about coming together as a group of fellow survivors, and that should, and will be the focus always. As time goes on, and if people join up, it will take on a life and identity of it’s own that I probably can’t predict.

For now though, join up, create a profile, start talking and making friends, start a group, share some photos, invite survivors, and supporters that you know, spread the word however you can, and let’s have some fun with this!

If you have any suggestions or questions, feel free to send me a message.

Technorati Tags: SocialNetwork, Spouses

As always, if you’re interested in making similar contributions to the site, feel free to drop me a line and I’ll be glad to get you set up over there.The more people sharing their recommendations and reviews, the better!

Technorati Tags: Reviews

Sometimes for survivors, finding something to be thankful for at this time of year is a struggle. Many times we’re simply trying to survive family time without too much stress, or struggling with depression more than usual. I know, I’ve spent many years viewing Thanksgiving messages of gratefulness with my own particular brand of cynicism.

That’s not so much the case now, but it was for a very long time. It takes time, and there’s nothing that can change that. On the other hand, if you can’t find anything else to be thankful for today, be thankful that you are alive, and that you have time, and the hope, that in the years to come, you will continue healing, continue growing, and build a life that includes plenty to be thankfu for.

I am thankful that each of you reading this has the chance to live, and become the person you want to be, healthy, and happy. Continue to work, and have hope.

Technorati Tags: Hope, Thankfulness

• Don’t blame the victim - One common question people ask is “Why didn’t you tell someone or break away?” But that’s applying the adult model to a kid’s brain, which just isn’t fair. Molesters are master manipulators and know how to keep kids quiet. My abuser told me that for $300, he could have me killed and no one would ever find out. He also used a cattle prod on me from time to time.

• Try to ease his fears - Men who finally admit their abuse are worried they’re going to be branded as gay or as weak. Just because he was abused by a man does not mean he is a homosexual.

• Remember that this doesn’t mean he’ll be an abuser, too - 98% of men who were molested never abuse anyone else. But men who were sexually abused are often terrified they will be branded as a molester, or that their kids might be taken away.

• Don’t be offended he hid this from you - Most men who were abused never tell. It’s a secret they live with their whole lives. I speak around the country about my experiences so that other men can come out of the closet and admit they were abused, and go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.

• Encourage him to get therapy - The right therapist can help him explore those hidden, painful feelings and make him realize none of this was his fault, and he is in no way to blame.

Given recent topics of conversation here, I thought it’d be a good idea to quote some of it and point you to the whole article, which also has signs a mom should look for in their kids if they re being abused.

While we’re on the topic, just wanted to emphasize that the offer to create a mail list for survivor’s significant others is still open, if you know anyone who might be interested, have them let me know, or feel free to share the offer with others on your own blogs. If there’s an interest, I’d be more than happy to enable communication, and a place for support, to that group of people.

Technorati Tags: MaleSurvivors, Spouses